Monkees Memories Part II

I would have the opportunity to see the Monkees in concert in 1989 at Club Casino in Hampton Beach, NH. Meatloaf opened for the Monkees and my best friend Jenny tagged along to keep me company. I remember walking by the buses, giggling like a little girl...at least until I passed by the front of Davy's bus. Across the top of the front of the bus was a marquee where the bus leaser could write a message for all to see it said... "Show us your t$ts." Shocked and stunned, I did not do what the marquee suggested and I moved along quickening my steps.

Buying a tshirt was a must and I chose the I slept with a monkee nightshirt. It is still in my closet all these years later. The concert was fantastic and we had a blast.

Fast forward to we 1997: I got a postcard in the mail from Beachwood Recordings after having purchased Peter Tork's CD Stranger things have happened. It said that Peter Tork would be playing 3 nights in a row at various venues within driving distance of our Des Plaines IL home. He was touring with some guy named James Lee Stanley. We were able to get tickets to 2 of the 3 venues, Fitzgerald's in Berwyn IL and Shank Hall in Milwaukee, WI. I was excited to get the chance to see Peter play in an small club and maybe meet him.

The night before we were to see Peter and James, they performed on Nashville Now. I discovered this James Lee Stanley guy was pretty darn good and the harmonies the two sang together were amazing and that we would be in for a couple of entertaining nights.

We arrived at Fitzgerald's and grabbed a spot in the front off to the right side of the stage, James came on first and from the first chord of Daughter Divine I was hooked. He played a lot of songs from his latest CD Domino Harvest and then Peter took the stage to play songs from his Stranger things have happened CD. It was dreamlike, I had to pinch myself to make sure I really was sitting about 10 feet away from The Peter Tork.

During the intermission I had my first "Thrill of a lifetime, meet the artist" experience with James. I remember a wonderful hug, he signed a couple of CDs that we had bought which became the first of many "Can you sign this Connie and Paul" moments. After chatting with James a bit, I moved over to meet Peter, I shyly said hi and asked him to sign my CD and then ran away like a scared rabbit. Peter was nice, but my anxiety got the better of me and I chose to retreat back to my chair.

Peter and James ended the evening by playing a set of songs together which was absolutely amazing. We went home happy and totally entertained and looking forward to the night after next when we would go to the show at Shank Hall.

Shank Hall was equally as spectacular as Fitzgerald's, I bought another CD from James and then got the courage up to talk to Peter. He greeted me with one of the most amazing hugs I have ever gotten from a human being in my life. It is definitely in my top 5. Maybe sometime I will post a blog about the 5 best hugs I have ever gotten.

Over the years we lived in Chicago area I had the opportunity to see James many times and he introduced me to 2 wonderful singers, Michael Smith and Tom Dundee and that I am grateful for.

Another night I am grateful for was in February of 2001 back at Shank Hall. It was a snowy night and I had driven up alone to see James and Peter play another show. At some point during the show I realized it might be a long time before I would see either of them play a show because in 6 months I was pretty sure I was moving to Utah. I didn't want to leave my life in the burbs of Chicago, but at the same time, I knew we needed to move somewhere more affordable so we could eventually buy a house. After the show I was talking to James as he was packing up his gear and feeling really stressed and sad about life. I kiddingly made the comment that some days I felt the need to find the nearest bridge to test gravity instead of thinking about the move to Utah. Peter must have been listening in as he packed his gear and he made some comment about when we get mad at other people we really are mad at ourselves.  When that didn't get a grin or a chuckle out of me, he stopped what he was doing, came over to where I was standing,  put his hand under my chin and pulled my face up to his. "You're not really looking for a bridge to jump off of are you?" "No Peter, I am just freaking out at the thought of such major change." "It will be good, whatever happens..Don't worry. Promise me you won't go looking for a bridge." He wouldn't let go of my chin or let me look away until I promised. I would try to tell this story to him years later, but there were to many people around him and I was embarrassed so I thanked him for it, but lied and said I didn't remember exactly what he said because I didn't want to tell the story in front of strangers.

Monkee Memories Part 1

Sometime in the early 80's one of the TV stations out of Boston would air reruns of The Monkees in the afternoons just after I got home from school.  I remember many times being over at my best friend Kara's grandmother's house, laying on the floor watching the ending credits for "Banana Splits" (La la la, la la la la, la la la, la la la la.-try to get that out of your head now), anticipating 30 minutes of music and humor.  Never in my 11-12 year old mind did I ever picture I would get the opportunity to see them perform, let alone meet them one day.

Davy was the first Monkee I ever met.  He had written an autobiography and was doing a book signing in Boston.  I asked my parents if we could go and they drove the distance so I could seek out my first Monkee.  I remember the line was long and my parents went off to do their own thing for a good chunk of the afternoon, occasionally checking in on our progress around the levels of Fanuel Hall.  Finally the much anticipated moment arrived, I remember small talk, (very little as I never seem to have a lot to say when I meet famous people..as I would rather feel stupid for not saying much then look stupid for saying something stupid.)  He signed my book, took a picture with me and then gave my brother Dale who had accompanied me on this adventure a thumbs up before meeting the next person.  My mind raced and my heart was all a-flutter trying to ingrain that moment of time forever in my memory banks.

MTV got a hold of the Monkees in 1986, I watched re-runs upon re-runs as they ran their marathons.  Then a 20th anniversary tour was announced with a show in Portland Maine.  Once again, my parents being the cool parents that they were, upon asking the small request of tickets and a drive to and from Portland..my brother Dale and I found ourselves sitting in seats about halfway up on the left hand side of the stage.  Sitting through Gary Puckett, Herman's Hermits and The Grass Roots was ok, but I was really only there for 1 thing... The Monkees.  When they came onto the stage (minus Mike) it was more than I could have imagined.  The night flew by as we sang along with every song and laughed at their onstage antics.  My parents went to dinner and wandered around town for most of the time we were in the concert, but during the last couple of songs managed to sneak in to see part of the show.  They said security was more concerned about the teenagers and 20 somethings so they slipped right into the venue without even a second look. The Monkees were playing the next night in Bangor so my cousins Dana and Matt would soon get to experience their own Monkees memory.

Yes, when the 4 of us got together we would lip-sync to the monkees and put on an occasional show.  Once I remember, we lip-sync'd to she hangs out, but we put balloon boobs on my cousin dana to completely change the meaning of the song.  It was at least funny to our juvenile minds.  At the end of the song 2 of us took a pin to a balloon and popped it so dana would "hang out" no more.

Great Big Sea n Me

I was at Milwaukee Irish Fest in 1999 (or 2000) when I stumbled across Great Big Sea playing on a stage.  They immediately grabbed my attention and I was blown away by their music.  They played 3 times that weekend and by the time the festival was over I was hooked.  Their mix of pop, rock and traditional is well done and like a fine wine or cheese after 20 years in existence they still kick a$$ live and in person.  The joy of living in Chicagoland was that I would have the opportunity to watch them perform many times before we moved in 2001. 

They made my 30th birthday extremely special.  They played a small club somewhere around Wrigley Field on my birthday and after a fantastic show we were hanging out in the bar and Alan heard it was my birthday. Even though he didn't know me, he rushed over to where I was standing, gave me a big hug and a kiss and wished me a happy happy happy birthday.  Darrell also came over and wished me a happy birthday as well.  I remember he and I talked hockey for a bit before he disappeared from the bar.  Bob and Sean were no where to be found, but I would later learn that was the norm for them.  We hung out at the bar with a small group of people, maybe 4-5 others and Alan.  Alan told me about his grandfather and what a character he was.  They sing a song called Lukey's Boat and now whenever I hear it I can hear Alan imitating his Grandfather the day he asked Alan if his girlfriend at the time was "good for planching"  which he explained was significant from when the old wooden boats would be repaired (planched) with wooden pegs, new boards and cracks filled with putty.  To planch takes on a whole new meaning when you're talking to an Old Salt, if you get my drift.  We said our goodbyes at some point later in the evening and said we'd see him the next night in Milwaukee.

The next night we traveled north to another small bar and did it all again. We hung out some more, but didn't stay nearly as long since we had further to travel back home that night.  We did see their van and trailer parked at the hotel they were staying at so I left them a note on the windshield thanking them for a fantastic weekend.

Every few years I go on the road to catch some shows since the closest they have played was once in las vegas many, many years ago.  I hit 3 nights in a row in California: SLO, Santa Barbara and LA, followed by a show in Salt Lake City a week later. Russell Crowe joined them on stage for the encore in Los Angeles..which was quite amazing.

I hit a dry spell seeing them live for a few years until almost a month ago when we flew to Boulder CO for 2 nights of GBS bliss.  Despite blizzard conditions at time, it was the most perfect weekend.  We got into town a couple hours before the show began so after checking into the hotel we foraged for some food before going to the venue.  Our seats were in the back of the theater, but that didn't stop us from having a great time.  It was like no time had passed and they did 2 full sets of music with a intermission in between.  Prior to the concert they had asked for pictures of people who would be attending the show to show in a slideshow during the song "Good People". I emailed the one of paul and I sitting by the "danger landmine" sign in Israel.  It was awesome to see us pop up on the jumbotron behind the band. 

The next night was even better than the first night.  We had backstage passes to meet the boys and at 7:30 Andy their tour manager met us by the sound booth and brought us back.  I had purposed picked a hockey jersey to wear that night because I knew that would at least help with conversation if I got tongue-tied. I met Bob first and he shook my hand and said hi, we talked about the hockey jersey and then Sean introduced himself to me and then finally Alan.  I really wanted to babble on about the last time I met him and lukey's boat but I shoved it all back and talked about the jersey.  They signed some stuff for us and Alan again commented to paul what an "awesome jersey" I was wearing. He asked if we were from Alaska (I was wearing an Alaska Aces jersey) and I said no, we were "Utards" from the desert of Utah and I got another chuckle out of Alan.  I asked Sean if he had gone adventuring that day (the day before he told a story about climbing the flat iron trail only to find a beware of mountain lions sign at the top....which of course would have been a lot more informative at the bottom of the trail.) He shook his head back and forth and said no no no no no... I learned my lesson yesterday and stayed at the hotel all day today...we got pictures taken and then headed back to our seats in the front row up against the stage where I was close enough to count Alan's nose hairs all evening long.  It was one of the best nights ever.

I love Great Big Sea's music.  It fits all moods and I can never stay cranky for long after I put on of their CDs on..It's great traveling music, great housecleaning music, great background music and great everything music. 

Memories and Christmas Traditions.

     Tis the season of memories, with Christmas less than 20 days away.  I don't remember any "Ralphie" Christmases where I just had to have a particular gift or I would just die.  But I do remember the Christmas I asked for and got a doll you could make up water bottles for and she would really "drink" the bottle and promptly wet her diaper. The year after I remember asking for her baby sister and adding her to the family on Christmas morning.  I remember the coolness of getting a lite brite from Santa as well as the Christmas there was a banjo under the tree (actually it was hidden under the table). I could always count on a whitman's sampler of 4 chocolates in my stockling as well as a stuffed animal under the tree.
     The elves always left us one present on Christmas Eve to start the festivities.  They always knew when we were headed out to look at Christmas lights because when we got home our one present was waiting for us.  One present was saved for after dinner as well, as we got older that usually became a gag-type gift with some sarcasm from the givers to the givee. 
     It didn't matter how early we woke up on Christmas morning.  The rule was you stayed in your room or a sibling's room and went through the goodies in your stocking until the parental unit awoke and granted passage to the livingroom.  I don't know if this was an actual rule or if we just didn't dare go wake up the parental unit to start the Christmas festivities. When my dad would have to work on Christmas, we'd be up extremely early so he could open presents and see us open presents before he went to work.
     I remember once sitting on Santa's lap at a department store.  I told him what I wanted and then he handed me a broken candy cane.  I was disappointed with the broken candy cane until he told me it was a special candy cane because Rudolph stepped on it.  Oh the naivity of a child..I was ok with the fact that a dirty reindeer hoof had stepped on my candy cane and crushed it to oblivion.
     Most years we headed back to Maine sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas to visit the family. There was always a pinata to break, some holiday games to play, great food to eat and tons of time spent with the cousins playing in the woods, hiking down to the beaver pond, playing football or hiking up to the big rock in the middle of the blueberry field to play or to sled back down towards the house if there was snow..  So many memories of being out at the rock, when all the cousins were together for Grampie's funeral we as adults trudged up the hill to sit on the rock and remember times past.
     Tradition of Christmas dinner became deep dish pizza.  A tradition followed even now, even though some of the recipes have changed.
     I remember 2 ways we counted down to Christmas, one was an advent calender.  Each day one of us would get to open one of the doors.  Some years it had chocolates, but my favorite calender was a scratch and sniff one.  I have always loved scented things and so the scratch and sniff of Christmas was no exception.  The other way was putting cottonballs in santa's beard.  Mom would draw a santa's face and 24 spots for his beard and by Christmas the man in red would have a full beard.
     Many happy memories come with this time of year and these are some of them.

A $2 reminder that family is family.

A couple years ago on my birthday I stopped by the Post Office to buy some stamps. I paid cash and in the change I received was a $2 bill.  It's rare to come across this denomination of money and I found it no coincidence that of all times to have one pop up was on my birthday.  In 1976, the Federal Reserve re-introduced the $2 bill after 10 years of not printing those bills for circulation. I remember getting birthday cards from my Great Aunt Olive and Great Great Aunt Mary and in the card there was always a $2 bill.
These ladies lived in Pennsylvania and even though I may have met them in Maine when I was young, I really don't remember meeting them until my 13th birthday when we took a roadtrip out to visit them for a few days.  Aunt Mary was born in England and came to the US in 1910 with her husband Edward, settling in Philadelphia. Aunt Olive was born in 1913 and appears to have lived all of her life in Pennsylvania.  (I am currently working on that portion of the family tree, which is why the information is flowing so easily from my fingertips). Aunt Olive married my grandfather's brother John (everyone called him Jim). Uncle Jim joined the Navy in 1927 and was stationed in Philadelphia and this is where they met. They were married in 1933 after Uncle Jim discharged from the Navy. They never had any children and he died a few days before my 6th birthday.
I remember being a little overwhelmed on my 13th birthday, but it was a time when I started to get a small understanding that family was family regardless of how little or how much time you got to spend with each other.  Aunt Olive baked me a special cake, with coins wrapped in parchment paper baked into it.  The fun was eating your piece of cake and finding out how much money was buried in it. I had never heard of a cake like that before and felt special because she had made it especially for me.  She also wrapped an old jewelry box my Aunt Mary had as a present and in this jewelry box was a pearl necklace.  She gave each one of us "girl cousins" when we turned 13. Such lavish gifts from someone I barely knew..but family is family. That visit was the last I would have with Aunt Olive and Aunt Mary as they died a few years later.
An interesting fact I learned about my Aunts is that in 1951 they traveled aboard the Queen Mary to Southhampton England for a 2 month stay before returning home. 2 suitcases a piece..those ladies certainly knew how to pack lightly.
I know that $2 bill I got on my birthday from the post office was their way of saying hello, letting me know that even though they have been gone for many years..family is still family and they are still around.

Merely Acquaintances

After a visit with friends from Chicago last month, I had an epiphany about my life in Utah and why I find myself occasionally frustrated and hating the life I have chosen to live here. I came to the realization that living here the majority of "friends" I have fall into 2 categories: those who I have a working relationship with and I really have to question if it wasn't for that relationship if I would even be a part of their lives and those who are merely acquaintances unless a need arises and then they are my friends because they can call on me to serve a purpose or fill a need. This statement seems harsh but at the same time, I feel the need to reiterate not all I call friends fall into these categories, but for the most part the proof is in the pudding. I am very aware of the reasons I am not worthy of true friendship in others eyes and I knew shortly after moving to this place it would be a struggle to have more than pseudo-friends.

Over the past 10 years,I have built up a substantial fortress of defensive walls and truthfully it has been such a slow process, I didn't even realize it was happening to the extent it has. I have become the master of putting on whatever face/mask is asked of me at any given moment of the day to get through the interactions with people as quickly and painlessly as possible by giving that "friend" the version of connie they need at that particular moment. This makes everyone happy, even me so I thought, but in the long run..my happiness is as superficial and temporary as my mask. I find myself cringing when the phone rings and bracing myself when the person on the other end says "hey, I need.... could you..." or "what are you doing such and such a day"..., followed by the "I need" it's rarely an invite to do anything social with someone..it's usually just void filling time.

I find myself extremely uncomfortable when genuine caring is shown for me because I am always waiting for the hidden need or underlying cause to rear its ugly head and show that it wasn't a truly caring moment between friends, but buttering up because they want something from me. Do people truly miss me when I am not somewhere, or is it just that they had to find someone else to sweet talk into filling some physical or emotional void?

The couple of hours spent with my Chicago friends showed me many things, I found the pre-utah connie under all the layers and for that moment in time, was relaxed, said things as I felt they should be said, loved my friends for who they are, just as I felt them loving me not for the connie I am now, but for the connie I used to be and the connie they could still see in me, even though I can't see her myself, but it does give me the hope that I could be again if I could let my guard down.

I avoid a lot of social situations because I hate forced conversation as much as I hate the dreaded silence of being a wallflower in the room with no one to talking to me. It's a major catch-22, so usually I have found it's best to stay home and not deal with either outcome.

I realize adulthood isn't like highschool where you have a close network of friends (not that I had one of those then either.. it was more of a fit in with everybody, fit in with nobody situation)..but I did at least have some friends I trusted with 100% of my heart. I still have those friends, but they are all many miles away..thankfully technology helps the distance not seem so far away.

I am grateful that I am beginning to figure out how to be less frustrated with my dealings with people I live amongst. I doubt I will ever be truly happy, as it's a hard thing to feel like the 5th wheel in almost every aspect of my social life, but I must look at it from the Grief cycle perspective-The past 10 years have seen the denial, bargaining and anger stages.. now I must seek acceptance of the realities of living here and make my ownself happy without giving up any of my happiness because others need their needs filled and feel I am the one to do it.

Slacker

So it's been over a year since I last blogged. I was correct in my prediction, it was the year of the brown belt. I needed to rearrange some things in my head and work on letting my shoulder heal some more but I hope to promote to my first Ban-Bu belt at the end of next month and to Black belt by years end. Part of me thought about wiping out all the blog entries and starting from scratch, but I think I will leave them up for now while I chew on what direction to take my blogging.

I have finally stopped listening to my Doctor who told me there was nothing to do but live with my polycystic ovary syndrome. Granted when I was diagnosed 15 years ago or so when we were investigating why the whole having kids thing wasn't working out for us, there was nothing to do but to live with it. But the things that come to light recently is that if the disease is allowed to progress without prevention, ...diabetes, fatty liver disease, obesity with weight gain by just thinking about carbs, insulin resistance, hyperlipidemia are all now a part of my reality now that I am over 4o and wasn't on a preventative maintenance or being monitored for those things which develop. So recently I went from taking no medications to being on horse pills and supplements. I have been adjusting the way I eat and trying only to do the "good carbs" The metformin actually makes me sick if I eat too many of the crappy carbs I shouldn't be eating.. which can be both a good and a bad thing. I go for my first followup since being on the meds in a couple weeks, hopefully the lab results are looking a little better than they did 3 months ago.